Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Grateful Hedge Fund Managers Surprise Citizens in Connecticut Town


GREENWICH, CT (DP) A crowd of almost 100 hedge fund managers congregated at 7 a.m. this morning on a sidewalk across the street from a popular hardware store.

Wearing jeans, Barbour waterproof jackets, and gardening gloves, and carrying Felco pruning tools, they waited together in small groups in the frigid morning air.

Their spokesman, who asked to remain anonymous, explained that the men were offering themselves as free day laborers, to work in local gardens.

"A few of us were talking last week, after the announcement that the Treasury Department wanted to lend our industry one trillion dollars to buy toxic assets. We just couldn't believe we'd be allowed to keep half of the profits, and the losses would be borne by the taxpayers." *

"We decided we wanted to give back to the community somehow, and thought it would be symbolic if we volunteered to shape up the growth assets in our town's gardens."

The citizens of Greenwich responded with enthusiasm to the prospect of free help. A long line of Range Rovers and Suburbans quickly formed at the curb in front of the group, drivers leaning out and calling to the men, often asking for managers from certain hedge funds. The men were loaded in, one or two at a time, depending on how much garden assistance each driver needed, and soon the sidewalk was empty.



*No joke. This is the current policy proposal from the U.S. Treasury Department.

16 comments:

EB said...

Hm. Strikes me that could be some very, very expensive garening laobur! But I suppose the gesture is nice...

EB said...

ah.

hm.

*spots the date....

Catherine said...

Brilliant!

Kim and Victoria said...

Good one!

Grace Peterson said...

Where did they all go?? Back to their fancy-dancy mansions I suppose. Or maybe the good citizens of Greenwich gathered up the whole lot of them and decided they'd be more useful as compost. :)

Maranta said...

Maybe if I started marketing myself as a "Hedge Manager" instead of a Gardener, I could justify charging $5000 per hour for my services. All I have to do is to convince clients that their Boxwood hedge is an investment (I mean it can't be a worse investment than giving your money to these guys).

Daffodil Planter said...

EB, Yes, labor only to be utilized when it is free, like on April First.

Welcome Catherine! Glad you enjoyed it.

Welcome Kim and Victoria! Thanks, and I like your Idaho blog too--added you to the blogroll here.

Grace, Oh, one by one, all those managers piled into the Range Rovers, Suburbans, Navigators and Escalades at the curb, and put in a good day's yard work, pruning in someone's garden in Greenwich. Tomorrow it's back to the office.

Maranta, Between Hedge Manager and Growth Assets there's got to be a way to make this work.

SusanGardenChick said...

Yes but how toned were their arms? That's the kind of information the public really cares about.

Daffodil Planter said...

Garden Chick, Wow, you've really got an arm fixation going--the First Lady and now these guys?

Rob (ourfrenchgarden) said...

(((Those hedge clipping fund managers))).

If the shears were to get in the wrong hands.....

Rob

Frances said...

This would be very funny if it didn't contain the non joke about the trillion, might as well be kajillion in my mind. Well, it really is clever though, good one, DP! :-)
Frances

Daffodil Planter said...

Rob, Yes, hedge clippers aren't so far from the pitchforks that have been mentioned in some wild rhetoric.

Frances, I can't believe the trillion either. I thought I'd better use a footnote or folks would certainly think that was part of the joke too. Hope the policy changes so that I can make an editorial correction later. So happy, though, that you enjoyed the post.

Debbie said...

Hysterical post! I live near Greenwich and your description of the range rovers and suburbans driving up to pick up their laborers is spot on. The funniest part of this post is it wouldn't surprise me at all if it actually happened.

Daffodil Planter said...

Debbie, Glad to hear from CT that the details are accurate!

Pomona Belvedere said...

Just another clip for the taxpayers?

"Daffodil Planter" Charlotte Germane said...

:-) Pomona!